Waiting

In our lives, it seems that we human beings are constantly waiting; when we are children, we want to grow up, when we are adults we are continually striving for fulfillment and success and as we age , we look forward to retirement and the rest we so richly deserve.
We all have our expectations and if those expectations aren’t met our present moment seems empty and every moment that passes, appears extremely long and the waiting becomes a heavy burden because our future remains uncertain and unclear.
However, if our expectations are met, then every moment that passes, appears full of joy and seems worthwhile.
What would happen if we stopped the waiting and started living now, in the present moment with all its richness and beauty, with all its wonder, with all its challenges and lessons? What if we met each moment without expectation? What would happen if we just let go and surrendered ourselves to the loving will of God?
Since having my experiences, I often remember that feeling of the complete surrender to the loving will of God. It was the most freeing, most magnificent feeling I’ve ever experienced. I knew that God held me in the palm of His hand and that I was safe. I knew that He would not let me fall and that He was loving me every single moment.
The first time I stared death in the eyes, was at the tender age of thirteen. I faced the inherent built-in survival that everyone faces. At first, I fought hard in order to live, but there came a time when my soul knew it was time to go and my struggle ceased. I let go and surrendered all that I was to God’s loving grace. Over the years it happened again and again. I had no warning. Death came to my life swiftly, four times. There was no waiting for it, there were no plans made for it. Death came like a thief in the night. One minute I was alive and well, the next minute, I was facing the great unknown.
There was no last meal or last minute goodbyes. What was, was.
I have learned that every instant of every day is precious. There is no more wishing my life away or waiting for this moment or that moment, thinking that those moments will be better or more blessed than the present moment. I realize that all I have is right now, this present moment and this moment is a beautiful gift.
Sharon Milliman (c) 2018

Conversation with God

Me: Okay, God, here’s the thing. I’m scared. I’m trying not to be, but I am.
God: I know. Want to talk about it?
Me: Do we need to? I mean, you already know.
God: Let’s talk about it anyway… We’ve done this before.
God: *waiting patiently, unhurried, undistracted, never annoyed.
Me: Okay. So, I’m afraid I’ll do everything I can to protect my family and it won’t be enough. I’m afraid of someone I love dying. I’m afraid the world won’t go back to what it was before. I’m afraid my life is always going to feel a little bit unsettled.
God: Anything else?
Me: EVERYTHING ELSE.
God: do you remember when your daughters were young and one of them would wake up during the night and would come running down the hall to your bedroom?
Me: Yes.
God: You were still awake, so when you heard her running, you started calling out to her before she even got to you… remember? Do you remember what you called out to her ?
Me: I said, “You’re okay! You’re okay! You’re okay! I’m here.”
God: Why did you call to her? Why didn’t you just wait for her to get to your room?
Me: Because I wanted her to know that I was awake, and I heard her,and she didn’t have to be afraid until she reached the end of the dark hallway.
God: Exactly. I hear you, my child. I hear your thoughts racing like feet down the dark hallway. There’s another side to all of this. I’m there already. I’ve seen the end of it. And I want you to know right here as you walk through it all, you’re okay. I haven’t gone to sleep, and I won’t.
Me: *crying. Can we sit together awhile? Can we just sit here a minute before I go back to facing it all?
God: There’s nothing I’d love more.

Hundredth Name of God

What I have learned from a lifetime of spiritual experiences is that this earthly existence is not the true reality. What we experience here is more like a dream. What waits for us on the other side is more real than real.
I have also learned that there is a God and God is very real. He goes by many names based on how people are brought up and what their belief systems are.
But, whatever name people call Him, there is only one God, there is only one Creator of all that is.

During my second NDE, while conversing with God, I said, “God, your hundredth name in the Koran is God is everywhere, God is nowhere and God is in me.” God’s reply was, “ yes, that is right.” At the time, I honestly had no idea why I had said what I did. I had never read or even seen the Koran, nor did I understand what the words truly meant. But since that time,I have learned the meaning and the concept of those words.

“ God is everywhere “

God is so huge that Heaven cannot contain him; the sky above cannot contain him. God created space, and space cannot contain God. What we think of as outer space cannot contain Him. The biggest space you can imagine cannot contain Him. The God who made the universe and the multi universes cannot be contained in the universe or the multi universes. Heaven, even the highest Heaven cannot contain him. God is uncontainable. God has always been. God existed before the universe and the multi universes existed. God spoke and as He spoke, He breathed the universe and the multi universes into existence.

“God is nowhere “

Because God created everything and cannot be contained by anything He has created, there is nowhere,no secret place that one can go to hide from God. There is nowhere that you can go where God isn’t already there. There is nowhere that He is not. He sees and He knows everything we think and everything that we do, even before we do it.

I learned that God is not a human man. God is! He always has been and always will be. His essence is spirit. Being Spirit and being the Creator of all that is, He can appear in physical form as anything He chooses. He has appeared to others in different forms in the past( yes, it’s written in the Bible). But, for me, during my second Near Death Experience, He appeared as a beautiful, loving man. He appeared as someone I could relate to and was not afraid of. I knew He was God. But, in truth God is immaterial. He has no form. He was that huge loving, formless presence that appeared to me after being struck by lightning. And as I progressed further into my experience, God took form. He took a form that I could understand and relate to, one that brought comfort and put me at ease. During my fourth NDE, I went to a place called “The Void” and as I laid wrapped within a soft, black velvet blanket, in this warm, dark place, God appeared again. He was a huge loving, presence and once again, He took on form. It was the same form he had taken on during my second NDE but this time, He was huge. He was bigger than huge and He stood over me. Then He held me in His huge hands, telling me to just rest in Him. I felt so protected and loved beyond words. There was no fear. I felt only His love, warmth and protection. Human words cannot adequately explain God. But, His being is always fully present everywhere. He is fully present with me right now as I write this. He is fully present with you as you begin your day. He is giving each of us his undivided attention, and he is fully present in each of our lives, every single moment. He loves us so much that we are always in His divine mind, every single moment of every single day. If He stopped thinking of us for even an instant, we would cease to be as if we never were. Because God is who He is and His love is so great, His love is uncontainable. It is all encompassing. It is never exclusive. He loves each one of us as if we were the only one that He ever created. He loves you. He loves me. He loves all of us, individually, as if we were the only one ever created and He can do this all at once. He is omnipresent and omnipotent which means, He is everywhere and He is all knowing. Being everywhere and all knowing means there is nowhere that we can go where God is not already there and fully present.

“God is in me”

God spoke and as He spoke, He breathed each of us into being. We hold within our being His breath of life. We literally carry part of His DNA within us. He literally gives us a part of Himself, His essence, His Spirit. He is “In” everything He has ever created. God is in me, He is in you. God is in the trees, the birds, the flowers, the mountains and the deepest blue seas.
God’s hundredth name is Ana which means “Me/ I Am.”
“I am everywhere, I am nowhere and I am in you.”

~ Sharon Milliman ~
December 2020