Spiritual Growth 

As a result of having had multiple NDES, do you ever feel that God has rejected you or that He has kicked you out of Heaven?  The first one 

was a pre birth /birth NDE .  The second one was at age13 from a drowning, the third, was from a lightning strike in 2005 and the fourth and most recent NDE was this past November 2016 due to an emergency surgery.  I feel like there is a very spiritual and important reason for these events to keep happening, but for the life of me, I have no answer.  

During my first NDE, I saw the light and I saw God come forth from the light and He touched my mother. During the second NDE , I again, saw the light and I knew that the light was God. During the third and fourth NDES, I had gone to Heaven.  I had gone to the same place both times and had recognized exactly where I was. I recognized the magnificent garden and field of wild flowers between the garden and the golden city. The love I felt was beyond words and it filled every pore in my body. Even though I had died, I still had a body, I still looked like me, I felt like me, I was still me only once again, I had a light body. My body was not heavy or weighted down and it was illuminated, like it had been before during my previous NDE when I had been struck by lightning. 

It seems that with each NDE, I get closer and closer to the glorious city. During my last NDE, in November 2016, I stood right next to the city wall but was unable to go any further. I touched the wall. It was extremely high ,very solid and made of the purist gold. I was only feet away from the city gates as I stood there watching hundreds of people being led by angels into the city. It was their time and they were being welcomed home. I could hear undeniably the sound of a huge celebration or party taking place on the other side of the golden wall. It was very clear to me, by all the smiles, hugs, kisses and all the laughter, that the party was indeed a welcome home celebration. 

I have been asked, “why is there a wall around the city? Is it for protection?” There is no need for protection in Heaven. The wall is the barrier or the point at which there is no return, going beyond the wall means it is your time and you won’t be coming back. ( unless you are being given a quick tour while accompanied by a guide or angel). 

Obviously, it wasn’t my time and I was sent back, once again. 

After the ” wow factor ” of having had yet another huge spiritual experience diminished , I found myself pondering the questions  ” Is there something wrong with me? Why has God kicked me out of Heaven again?”  

While pondering and praying over these questions, God brought to mind a visit I had with Jesus just a couple of years ago. During our visit Jesus addresses these questions. 

I was mopping the kitchen floor during a particularly difficult day taking care of my mother who had Alzheimer’s when I had a visitor.   At that particular moment, I was not really thinking of anything, just mopping away and trying to decompress when all of a sudden I heard a familiar male voice.  It was a smooth, calming voice that made my heart sing and my soul soar.  As I turned around I saw Jesus standing in the kitchen leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest and his feet crossed at the ankles. As always, He was smiling at me. Standing still with the mop in my hand, I could feel His love so deeply.  I didn’t have to say a word because Jesus already knew my heart. He knew what I was feeling. Jesus looked into my eyes as tears streamed down my face and He said: 

“Oh my precious Dove, you cry because you think I cast you away when you were with me in heaven and that is so far from the truth, I hold you so dear.  It simply wasn’t your time.  I have a job for you to do.   

My beautiful little one, you know that I love you.  You know that I am with you.  I always am.  You are here because your life has meaning. You have to step aside and take the “you” out of the equation You are doing just fine in what you are doing.  Because what you do, you do out of love.  Don’t be so hard on yourself.  Just let me do the work.  I will handle it.  I am capable.  You just be.  Just be present and be at peace.  You just love, the way you always do. 

All that has happened to you in your life has happened to prepare you for this moment in order to make you strong enough for this very important job I have asked you to do for me.  I am with you to give you my strength.  I love you.  Lean on me when you are weak and scared.  Do not be afraid.  Just love, that’s all.  Just Love. It’s that simple.  That is the purpose of your life, my beautiful Dove.  When you feel torn and weary, give it to me; remember I am strongest when you are at your weakest.  Don’t worry, I won’t leave you stranded.  I am right here with you always.  I will love you until beyond the end of time “

Through this experience, I learned that God hears every prayer and He answers them. I learned that I am loved and there is nothing wrong with me. I wasn’t kicked out of Heaven nor was I abandoned. My life does have meaning. I still have an important job to do here. That’s why I was sent back. Jesus promised He would be with me. Jesus always keeps His word.