Spiritual Growth 


As a result of having had multiple NDES, do you ever feel that God has rejected you or that He has kicked you out of Heaven?  The first one 

was a pre birth /birth NDE .  The second one was at age13 from a drowning, the third, was from a lightning strike in 2005 and the fourth and most recent NDE was this past November 2016 due to an emergency surgery.  I feel like there is a very spiritual and important reason for these events to keep happening, but for the life of me, I have no answer.  

During my first NDE, I saw the light and I saw God come forth from the light and He touched my mother. During the second NDE , I again, saw the light and I knew that the light was God. During the third and fourth NDES, I had gone to Heaven.  I had gone to the same place both times and had recognized exactly where I was. I recognized the magnificent garden and field of wild flowers between the garden and the golden city. The love I felt was beyond words and it filled every pore in my body. Even though I had died, I still had a body, I still looked like me, I felt like me, I was still me only once again, I had a light body. My body was not heavy or weighted down and it was illuminated, like it had been before during my previous NDE when I had been struck by lightning. 

It seems that with each NDE, I get closer and closer to the glorious city. During my last NDE, in November 2016, I stood right next to the city wall but was unable to go any further. I touched the wall. It was extremely high ,very solid and made of the purist gold. I was only feet away from the city gates as I stood there watching hundreds of people being led by angels into the city. It was their time and they were being welcomed home. I could hear undeniably the sound of a huge celebration or party taking place on the other side of the golden wall. It was very clear to me, by all the smiles, hugs, kisses and all the laughter, that the party was indeed a welcome home celebration. 


I have been asked, “why is there a wall around the city? Is it for protection?” There is no need for protection in Heaven. The wall is the barrier or the point at which there is no return, going beyond the wall means it is your time and you won’t be coming back. ( unless you are being given a quick tour while accompanied by a guide or angel). 


Obviously, it wasn’t my time and I was sent back, once again. 

After the ” wow factor ” of having had yet another huge spiritual experience diminished , I found myself pondering the questions  ” Is there something wrong with me? Why has God kicked me out of Heaven again?”  

While pondering and praying over these questions, God brought to mind a visit I had with Jesus just a couple of years ago. During our visit Jesus addresses these questions. 

I was mopping the kitchen floor during a particularly difficult day taking care of my mother who had Alzheimer’s when I had a visitor.   At that particular moment, I was not really thinking of anything, just mopping away and trying to decompress when all of a sudden I heard a familiar male voice.  It was a smooth, calming voice that made my heart sing and my soul soar.  As I turned around I saw Jesus standing in the kitchen leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest and his feet crossed at the ankles. As always, He was smiling at me. Standing still with the mop in my hand, I could feel His love so deeply.  I didn’t have to say a word because Jesus already knew my heart. He knew what I was feeling. Jesus looked into my eyes as tears streamed down my face and He said: 

Oh my precious Dove, you cry because you think I cast you away when you were with me in heaven and that is so far from the truth, I hold you so dear.  It simply wasn’t your time.  I have a job for you to do.   

My beautiful little one, you know that I love you.  You know that I am with you.  I always am.  You are here because your life has meaning. You have to step aside and take the “you” out of the equation You are doing just fine in what you are doing.  Because what you do, you do out of love.  Don’t be so hard on yourself.  Just let me do the work.  I will handle it.  I am capable.  You just be.  Just be present and be at peace.  You just love, the way you always do. 

All that has happened to you in your life has happened to prepare you for this moment in order to make you strong enough for this very important job I have asked you to do for me.  I am with you to give you my strength.  I love you.  Lean on me when you are weak and scared.  Do not be afraid.  Just love, that’s all.  Just Love. It’s that simple.  That is the purpose of your life, my beautiful Dove.  When you feel torn and weary, give it to me; remember I am strongest when you are at your weakest.  Don’t worry, I won’t leave you stranded.  I am right here with you always.  I will love you until beyond the end of time “


Through this experience, I learned that God hears every prayer and He answers them. I learned that I am loved and there is nothing wrong with me. I wasn’t kicked out of Heaven nor was I abandoned. My life does have meaning. I still have an important job to do here. That’s why I was sent back. Jesus promised He would be with me. Jesus always keeps His word. 

Question and answer

Question for NDEers.. I have seen in numerous accounts of going through a life review, where the person recounts how it was the “little” things that mattered and showed love to others and were important, not what we’d consider big things here. So I guess my question is – can you give me an example of what those little things that are actually so important are?

My answer …
 I Something as simple as just listening to another without saying anything , giving a hug for no reason, without thinking about it you empty your wallet into the hand of a homeless man, without thinking about it you offer a drink to someone who is hot and thirsty. A smile, giving a compliment just because. Reading a story to an Alzheimer’s patient. None of these things are big acts of kindness. They are small but show great compassion. It was small things done without thought but things that changed the day of another.
Excellent ideas, but I’m wondering, if you do these on purpose… does it count? Does it have to be done automatically? Or can there be intent behind them?
It all counts. During my NDE I learned that whatever the act may be , large or small, if it is done out of love, it is huge to God.

My Fourth NDE

Fourth NDE

On December 17,2017 at 8:45 am, I had my 4th Near Death Experience. I had been hospitalized for having had a seizure the day before and was on a 24 hour observation. On the morning of the 17th, I had had an adverse reaction to some seizure medication and had stopped breathing. Before anyone had been alerted of my situation, I had fallen asleep in my hospital bed when I felt my spirit rise up out of my body. I went up through the ceiling, past the roof, into the sky and up into the vast dark universe. I was wrapped or cocooned within what felt like a warm, soft, thick black velvet blanket. I could see myself within this cozy wrap as well as outside of myself and I felt so warm ,safe ,protected and deeply loved. There was a presence with me , in me , all around me yet, I couldn’t see with my visual eyes who this presence was. Even though I couldn’t see, I knew that God was with me . I felt no fear or worry as I was curled in a fetal position within this velvet encasement. It felt as if I was a baby again in my mother’s womb. As I hung there suspended, not moving up, down or sideways, I could see brilliant stars and planets all around me. There was a slight feeling of curiosity and amusement at the twinkling stars but I realized that I felt more comfortable inside the thick, velvety blanket that surrounded me. I had no sense of time, I was there for what seemed like eternity. As I hung there suspended among the stars, it felt as though I was waiting, but for what, I do not know. It was quiet, calm, peaceful and the black velvet was so soft and warm. I saw and felt two huge figures standing over me. One, I knew was God, the other one, I did not know but I heard them talking about me. They were talking about wether I was to stay or go back. Then suddenly, It felt like a vacuum was sucking me down, pulling me down, down, back into my body. 

Then, I could hear a lot of noise and as I opened my eyes, the lights in the room were so bright that my eyes hurt. There were so many people in my room, calling my name and talking that I thought my ears would explode, the pain was horrendous. I was so confused. I had no idea what had just happened. The doctor stood by my bed, while several nurses milled around the room and then I saw my husband, who looked so terrified, standing over by the door. I had several IVs in my arms and a non breather oxygen mask on my face. The nurses stayed by my side for quite a while to monitor my breathing. It wasn’t until later that I was told how serious it had gotten. I had died from something called Acute Respiratory Acidosis or hypoventilation. 

Every experience is different and this experience was certainly different from from any of the other experiences I’ve had before. Although I’m still trying to make sense out of all of it and to integrate it into my life, I have come to a few conclusions, I feel in my soul, that Where I do not fear death, I have had a fear of the void. God was showing me that the void was not a place to be feared. God was with me , He was that loving presence that was with me, in me , all around me. He was holding me, allowing my soul to rest in this quiet, peaceful, resting place. Even though it was dark, I was never alone and always felt enormous love and comfort. The void is, in my experience, was a quiet, peaceful, resting place for my soul and it is a place between Heaven and earth. At this particular time in my life, I knew I had a decision to make about whether to stay or go and God just held me for a while, allowing me the time to just rest so I would not have made a hasty decision.

Third NDE

My Third NDE 
On November 2016 I had my 3rd NDE due to an emergency surgery from an obstruction of the small intestine. 

During the surgery, my soul left my body and floated above the operating table. I could see the doctors and nurses working over me. This lasted what seemed like only a matter of a minute or two. Then, all of a sudden, I was surrounded by a beautiful rainbow-colored light. I began to feel as though I was moving very rapidly through this light. Then, I found myself standing in Heaven. I recognized it from a previous NDE.

Only this time, I was standing next to a golden wall that surrounded the glorious city. The wall was extremely high, very solid and made of the purest gold. I felt such a sense of pure love and peace which completely filled every pour in my body. I could hear what sounded like a celebration or a party going on just beyond the city walls. The air was pure and clean, crisp and sweet. It was filled with the fragrance of wildflowers that danced in the warm silken breeze that touched my skin. The colors were rich and vibrant. The sky was of the bluest blue and reminded me of a gorgeous spring day. There was a beautiful light that lit up the sky and was as brilliant as the sun. Yet, there was no sun in the sky, but the light illuminated everything, giving off a beautiful golden glow. I knew it came from the heart of God. As I stood next to the golden wall, I saw a magnificent, lush green meadow filled with wildflowers of every color — rich vibrant pinks, purples, yellows, reds, violets and blues. 

Then, I saw an old fieldstone wall with pink roses growing over it. It stood halfway between the garden and the golden city. As I stood there next to the magnificent wall, a tiny brown and white beagle puppy wiggled at my feet demanding my attention. As I leaned down to pet him, he barked and wiggled all over with such joy while allowing me to rub his soft little belly. As I continued to rub his tummy and played with him, I looked up and saw hundreds of people pouring out of the beautiful garden and begin walking through the meadow. Each person had an angel walking with them. The angels were taller, dressed in light blue and white colored robes and were much more illuminated than the people. The people walking with their angels were laughing and talking among themselves happily. 

The people were from all walks of life — men, women, and children of all races and all ages. Then, two men walked into my view. The younger I recognized immediately from pictures belonging to his mother who had been a friend of mine. He had died some years before. He was accompanied by an older gentleman who I recognized as his father. As they passed by, I smiled and said ‘I know you.’ They smiled at me and continued walking toward the entrance of the glorious city. Then, I was given infused knowledge that I had to return, as it wasn’t my time and that I was to let this man’s wife know that he and his son were together and that he was ok.

Upon entering my body, I awoke still hooked to several machines with the nurse standing next to my bedside. Later that day, when I was well enough to be taken to my room, I received a message from another friend who told me that the woman whose son I had seen (and who passed some time ago), had lost her husband that day while I was in surgery. I was not surprised as those were the two men I had seen while standing at the golden wall that day.

I wasn’t sure about the puppy until I told my daughter about my experience , she began telling me about how they had had to call the police on a neighbor who lived down the street from them because this neighbor was seen beating to death a beagle puppy.  I was absolutely stunned when she told me this. So if there was ever any question as to whether our pets go to Heaven, they most certainly do, I’m  so happy to say. 
When I told my friend about her son and husband being together she was grateful, and thankful and it was helpful in her grieving.